And then developed a strong desire to join a militant wing of the Apostrophe Protection Society. And had a very enjoyable few hours reading the creation of a fellow grammar stickler. But I am ok with being pathetic.) And then I found this book. Ah, never mind, I don't have a valid defense. In my defense, she is a language teacher. Sometimes I discuss punctuation when I talk to my mother on the phone*. This was the beginning of my grammar vigilante stickler life. This crime landed me on her 'black list' for the rest of the year. My transgression - in my wide-eyed seven-year-old innocence I dared to correct my (very Soviet) teacher on her comma placement and a spelling mistake. I am kicked out of the classroom and sent home with an angry note. The setting is an ordinary Soviet elementary school, first grade. I proudly consider myself a punctuation martyr. Now, instead of peacefully munching, it EATS, SHOOTS, and LEAVES. 'Nobody does smileys any more.Bad punctuation can force an innocent animal to live outside the law. 'Why do they still have all these keys with things like dots and spots and eyes and mouths and things?' they will grumble. I've just spotted a third reason to loathe emoticons, which is that when they pass from fashion (and I do hope they already have), future generations will associate punctuation marks with an outmoded and rather primitive graphic pastime and despise them all the more. It looks like it's sticking its tongue out! The permutations may be endless: What's this curvy thing for? It's a mouth, look! Hey, I think we're on to something. What's this dot-on-top-of-a-dot thing for? What earthly good is it? Well, if you look at it sideways, it could be a pair of eyes. Anyone interested in punctuation has a dual reason to feel aggrieved about smileys, because not only are they a paltry substitute for expressing oneself properly they are also designed by people who evidently thought the punctuation marks on the standard keyboard cried out for an ornamental function. Just add the right emoticon to your email and everyone will know what self-expressive effect you thought you kind-of had in mind. And a smiley is, famously, this:įorget the idea of selecting the right words in the right order and channelling the reader's attention by means of artful pointing. Emoticons are the proper name for smileys. That's why they came up with the emoticon, too-the emoticon being the greatest (or most desperate, depending how you look at it) advance in punctuation since the question mark in the reign of Charlemagne. Which is why, of course, people use so many dashes and italics and capitals ('I AM joking!') to compensate. “Clicking on 'send' has its limitations as a system of subtle communication.

Eats shoots and leaves book